Journal class

Mark LaFlamme: long pants for the upcoming zombie apocalypse

talk about the city Ernie Anderson

Safety first
So, while I was on vacation, one of the weirdest sights I encountered was a guy walking around a grocery store with a full face motorcycle helmet. Looked like a fucking insect moving from aisle to aisle. Later, I watched him struggle at the self-checkout, trying to see the screen through his tinted screen. While it was an odd sight and it seemed like a chore for the guy to shop, I can report that he suffered no head injuries while shopping. When he was done, I watched him leave the store and hop like an insect across the parking lot. Guess what! He didn’t have a motorcycle!

big boy pants
Also, while I was on vacation (I was on vacation last week, you know. Thanks for noticing.) I stopped at Range Pond in Poland after a long motorcycle ride. But because I had been riding a bike, I was wearing long pants and you wouldn’t know that? I didn’t have an extra bathing suit to wear on the beach. I had paid my six bucks to get into the place, so I wanted to at least spend some time on the hot sand. Unfortunately, when you’re wearing long pants on a 90 degree beach, people point and laugh and you hear them calling you clever nicknames. For about 20 minutes that Saturday, I was known at Senor Pantalones over there at Range Pond State Park. Which I guess is better than “Senor Desnudo” as I’m known on a few other beaches.

My shame is great
For several weeks, I have been complaining loudly about all the “Back to School” displays in stores. And I stand by my opinion that the people creating these screens are inhuman monsters and buzz killers. But while I was riding during the week (on vacation, you know), I found myself in desperate need of a backpack to carry stuff and. . . Well, where are you going to find a cheap backpack this time of year? It’s true. To one of those miserable back-to-school posters. I got myself a nice Eastsport, with two bottle holders, for less than $20, but now I feel like a hypocrite. I really let you down and I apologize.

sometimes dead is better
A nice lady from Auburn wrote to me to tell me about strange rock formations setting up in the middle of the night on a vacant lot near her house. She also sent pictures and to me these weird rock piles look like cairns from “Pet Sematary”. I went to investigate on my own, but couldn’t get near the rocks because of all the wobbling dogs, hissing cats, and this weird toddler. This is going to be a humdinger of an interesting case for the animal control officer.


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